Excerpt from my definitely copy-righted and publishable Online Dating Manual and Existential Pep-talk for Younger Men

 

"Looking for long-term, SQUAWK, open to short, SQUAWK."

"Feed me tacos, and tell me im pretty SQUAWK"

...everyone seems...branded.

Jude Law's daughter, looking dissociated, which is now de rigueur among the prettier, sultrier members of the demimonde, even when not descended from famous actors

 

 

Idea: Sing songs, like "Night and Day," but rewrite the lyrics and maybe improvise but def also scat. Example: "It's why i scaaaat, bc so much of it/ is silly shit/and bull and batshit/and cringey female shiiiit."

Top 5 things in 2023 which many American women of marriagable and breeding age seem to tend to think are stand-ins for a personality, on dating and hookup sites (Red font indicates uncertainty about whether these qualities are stand-ins, or just discrete features):

1. explicitly stated "Sarcasm" as a general mode of behavior

2. Jeeps

3. Standing in front of brick wall for impromptu unpretentious photo op

4. Having pitbull that is darling and not murderous, beyond their control etc., they think

5. Having dog, generally

6. explicitly stated hatred for "ambitionlessness/mediocrity" (sic, etc.), in favor of a lust for the finer things, objects, adventures and photo ops in life

7. Selfies in which they look either unreasonably happy, or like dangerous temple prostitutes

8. Vacant, soulless Model-eyes and related physical affectations like parted lips or display of posterior

9. the multiple periods self-description style: "Dogmom. Lover of margs. User of periods."

10. holding mixed drink in tight little dress at swanky bar while accomplice takes series of photos of them, like headshots

11. "all things spooky/halloween"

12. Last but not least, yes, Tattoos

13. Less mention of weltanschauung than ye might imagine, or of spirituality. Jesus and witchcraft being the most popular mentions, but of course still rare

55. Comparison of oneself and their preferred partner to movie and tv characters

17. That general aura of having been pursued and thirsted after in the 24-7 flesh markets of the internet for all their surely age-appropriate lives, an aura that says, "it's unlikely I'll try very hard or ask you a question about your dreams and interests bc that's your job to ask those questions."

23. A proud cannabis habit

37. Decided preference for "Luxe" and "Upscale" phenomenologies, which is an order above the features described in Number 6

100. No actual sense of either modesty or public embarrassment. I sometimes wish that i could talk of myself with total unabashed arrogance, high-handed Brownie Points-and-command-giving, and general, immaculate self-delight, or that i felt like stopping traffic or standing in the middle of a
crowded square to conduct a bon vivant photo shoot

52. It's at that point that we must say, "Death to Instygram and the shallow self-adoring rottenness of character it has tended to wrought."

51. I may be comorbidly overweight but as you can see, i like drinking alcohol and i'm a very fun girl.

18. Pretty glossy sexy photographs, featuring no trace of bio whatsoever, not even "No good at bios," or "Bios are overrated."

102. Some fastidiously labeled version of polyamory

33. Main pic is of the female standing in front of one of those low-budget celebrity nitelife scenarios: a neon script-lettering sign saying something completely ridiculous, like "Luxe Life," or "Tequila Yes, You Maybe." Very often the neon sign is fixed to a wall of foliage of some kind. All of this demonstrates the glamorous nitelife of this prospective hassle of a woman.

 42. Fucking dreadful, treacly inspirational quotes, usually some robotic solipsistic claptrap about "finding what pleases you and pursuing it like nothing else matters."

Elevensy-five. Having a typically vainglorious and trifling IG account

177. TATTOOS