Why I Like Slapping Women's Bottoms

For most of their genetic lives,
with respect to their most intimate relations to men,
Women have presented their asses to us,
and continue to do so,
for love and procreation,
for teasing and attraction,
for inevitable madness,
and so they do not especially mind being
Slapped on them,
and in fact like it,
because it is very much like a sentimental reward,
or a form of cuddling up
with their genetic helixes,
with their raw female energy,
with the
saucy hearts of their distant
matriarchal ancestors
who clad themselves
in the skins and bones
of other wild animals.

Also it reminds them...
of the joy of surrender.

You may have always wondered
why it was so,
that despite their recent liberation
from patriarchy,
they seem
Universally
to appreciate being swatted
by men on the ass:
It is because
It is in their genes.
They want to remember from time to time
that they are not wholly civilized.
They were animals for millions and millions of years
practicing animal-style coitus:
they have only recently
evolved just a bit.
And that is why I like slapping women on the ass,
not because of any selfish or tactile
pleasure I take in It,
but because I am always
looking out for other people,
and I am a man of science.